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Find Your Perfect Room

From Cozy Crashes to Social Hubs,
We've Got Your Urban Escape Covered

The Crash Pad

Designed for the minimalist adventurer, this room packs a punch.

Amentities: 18 sqm/194 sq ft | Sleek Bathroom with Walk-in Shower | High-Speed Wi-Fi | Smart TV with Streaming Services

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The City View Suite

Spread out and soak in the city's energy from your private balcony.

Amentities: 32 sqm/344 sq ft | Luxurious King Bed | En-suite Bathroom with Double Vanity | Spacious Living Area with Sofa | High-Speed Wi-Fi | Smart TV with Streaming Services | Espresso Machine with Coffee Pods | Plush Bathrobes & Slippers

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The Social Hub

The perfect haven for your crew, offering space to connect and unwind.

Amentities: 45 sqm/484 sq ft | Two Queen Beds | Pull-out Sofa Bed in the Living Area | Fully Equipped Kitchenette with Microwave, Mini Fridge, & Sink | High-Speed Wi-Fi | Smart TV with Streaming Services | Espresso Machine with Coffee Pods | Plush Bathrobes & Slippers

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Operational Protocols & Terms Please read before booking. These rules are non-negotiable to protect the integrity of the review and your business.

1. Algorithm Safety Warning (Photo Usage) While I can provide the image files upon request, I strongly advise against reposting them on your own social media or website. Google’s algorithm penalizes "Duplicate Content." If the same image appears on your Instagram and my Maps review, Google may flag it as spam, hurting your visibility. Let the photos live exclusively on my profile to maximize your SEO benefit.

2. Cost & Comp Policy The booking fee covers my time, travel, and production costs only. It does not cover the meal. All food, drinks, and gratuity (tips) must be comped by the venue at the time of service.

3. The "Ghost" Protocol (Anonymity) To ensure an authentic experience, I operate under strict disguise—sometimes alone, sometimes within a crowd. I do not announce my arrival.

  • Zero-Recognition Policy: If I sense I have been recognized or am receiving "VIP treatment" that differs from a standard guest, I reserve the right to abort the visit. In this event, you will receive a full refund, or we will reschedule for a later date with a different disguise.

4. Staff Protocol Upon booking, you will receive a specific "Silent Instruction" email. This details exactly what to tell (and what NOT to tell) your staff to ensure the visit runs smoothly without blowing my cover.

5. The Integrity Clause Payment guarantees attention, not praise. I am hired to provide a professional, sensory-based analysis of your business. If the experience is poor, the review will reflect that honestly. No refunds will be issued based on the star rating received.

6. Platform Liability & Content Stability I draft every review to strictly adhere to Google Maps' Content Policies to ensure it remains live. However, I have no control over Google’s internal algorithms or moderation teams.

  • Risk of Removal: If a review is filtered, removed, or disputed by the platform or a third party in the future, I am not liable.

  • No Reinstatement: I cannot force the platform to restore removed content. The booking fee covers the production of the review and photography, not its permanent hosting on a third-party site.

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